Gaston

Who does she think she is?
That girl has tangled with the wrong man.
No one says no to Gaston.
Darn right.
Dismissed, rejected...
publicly humiliated.
Why, its more than I can bear.
More beer?
What for?
Nothing helps.
Im disgraced.
Who, you?
Never!
Gaston, youve got to pull yourself together.
Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy hered love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
Theres no man in town as admired as you
Youre everyones favorite guy
Everyones awed and inspired by you
And its not very hard to see why
No... ones. .. Slick as Gaston
No ones quick as Gaston
No ones necks as incredibly thick as Gaston
For theres no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, **** or Stanley
And theyll tell you whose team
They prefer to be on,
No... ones... been like Gaston
A kingpin like Gaston
No ones got a swell cleft
In his chin like Gaston
As a specimen, yes, Im intimidating
My, what a guy, that Gaston
Give five 'hurrahs!' Give 12 'hip -hips!'
Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips
No... one... Fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston
For theres no one as burly and brawny
As you see, Ive got biceps to spare
Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny Thats right
And every last inch of mes covered with hair
No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
In a spitting match,
nobody spits like Gaston
Im especially good at expectorating
Ptooey! Ten points for Gaston!
When I was a lad
I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
And now that Im grown I eat five dozen eggs
So Im roughly the size of a barge
No... one... Shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
I use antlers in all of my decorating
Say it again
Whos a man among men?
And then say it once more
Whos the hero next door?
Whos a super success?
Dont you know? Cant you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
Theres just one guy in town whos got all of it down
And his names G-A-S- T -
G-A-S-T - E -
G-A-S-T-O - oh!
Gaston!