Depression

I felt a funeral in my brain
And Mourners to and fro
Kept treading treading
Till that sense was breaking through
And when they all were seated
A service
Like a drum
Kept beating beating
Till I felt my mind was going numb
And then I heard them lift a box
And creak across my soul
With those same boots of lead, again
Then space began to toll
As the heavens were a bell
And being, an ear
And I, and silence, some strange race
Wrecked, solitary, here
Just then a plank in reason, broke
And I fell down and down
And hit a world, at every plunge
And finished knowing then
You seem the same as always
And being you, hate every minute of it
Don't
Learn to say "fvck you" to the world every once in a while
You have every right to
Just stop
Thinking
Worrying
Looking over your shoulder
Wandering
Doubting
Fearing
Hurting
Hoping for some easy way out
Sturggling
Grasping
Confusing
Itching
Scratching
Mumbling
Bumbling
Grumbling
Humbling
Stumbling
Numbing
Rambling
Gambling
Tumbling
Stumbling
Scrambling
Hitching
Hatching
Bitching
Moaning
Groaning
Honing
Boning
Horse-shitting
Hair-splitting
Nit-picking
Piss-trickling
Nose-sticking
Ass-gouging
Eyeball-poking
Finger-pointing
Alleyway-sneaking
Long waiting
Small stepping
Evill-eyeing
Back-scratching
Searching
Perching
Besmirching
Grinding
Grinding
Grinding away at yourself
Stop it and just
Do
So when I was sitting in that chair
Across from my eighth-grade guidance counselor
The only thing that I could think was
You are not good enough
You are not smart enough
You are not enough
And it didn't matter if I was
Because these were the constricted limits of my perception
So when I held that eight-inch chef's knife in my hand
And I raised it to my throat
And I pressed it there
And I felt the blood begin to trickle down my hand
The only thing I could think in that moment
"Nobody would even know you were gone"
I heard the guidance counselor ask from across the room
Miles aways, it seemed like, he said, "Mark! please don't!"
I heard him, but I wasn't listening