Late Night Tales: Franz Ferdinand (Continuous Mix)

Defibrillator
written and read by me: Alex Kapranos
I didn't know Big Jamesy that well
He hung about with McPherson, my flatmate
I met him on Christmas day when I worked a shift at the 13th Note
He sat at the end of the bar, drinking and drinking
until he threw up over it.
Watery spew dripping onto the pint glasses on the shelf below
Christmas day
Thanks Jamesy
McPherson was the star of the Glasgow easy listening revival
spinning Klaus Wunderlich and Peters and Lee records
and a kipper tie and polyester suit
smellig of Oxfam
and Brut for men
'"Let´s get a band together! It'll be great! Big Jamesy can play guitar. He's rrrrrreally good'"
'"Okay
I'll ask Baldy Keith to come down and play drums
He's got a band as well'"
So I was back in the basement at the 13th Note with Big Jamesy, McPherson and Baldy Keith
We didn't have a name
any songs
or any idea of what we were going to do other that it was going to be
'"rrrrrrreally heavy'"
Big Jamesy looked like one of those late Ramones
You know those guys that came in to play the drums
or the bass when Dee Dee had gone off to rap
Leather jacket, black bowl cut, surly stoop and malnourished frame
'"And on drums it's... BENNY RAMONE'"
Instantly identifiable but completely anonymous
We set up our gear
Baldy Keith's parents had bought him a huge, ostentatious kit
with too many toms
and one of those backwarrds cymbals
McPherson's bass a beautiful Paddy's market semi
that shreked when any amp was turned over two
I was gonna sing
And Big Jamesy brought out his Charvel
and plugged it in a luminous, yellow DOD, Metal Maniac pedal
Then turned every dial into Peavey tranny amp as far to the right as it would go
Then he started
Ah shite