Aberdeen

In the community that stresses macho male sexual stories
as a high of all conversation
I was an under-developed immature fat little dude
that never got laid
and was constantly razzed:
“Oh, poor little kid!”
It bothered me more so
because I was horny and frequently had to
make up stories like
“Uh…when I went on vacation I met this chick
and we ****ed and she loved it!”
Etcetera, etcetera…
This typical pubescent problem was an effector
during the height of my problems with my father and stepmom
You know, the typical wicked-stepmom story
And so, I moved to both grandparents and
four sets of aunts' and uncles'
and so fourth and so on within the year
And in eight grade
my mom had no choice to take me in
because my dad packed my stuff and
drove me to her house in the morning
and left me there
She was pissed
I accumulated quite a healthy complex
not to mention the complexion
Then one day I discover the most ultimate form
of expression ever——
Marijua**
Oh boy, POT!
I could escape all day long and not have to
have routine nervous breakdowns once a week
Only being stoned for the first few time was
what I claimed as sth I would do for the rest of my life
And I would practically do anything
to ensure my supply of the fantastic weed
Trevor was a guy I hated
but resorted to becoming friends with
because he was the only person I could get pot from
He was the kingpin
Trevor, Ace, John and Derren
All white-trash, lowlife scums of the earth
according to the jocks
had been going to this girl's house after school
and they invited me
We got to the door and a very fat girl let us in
It wasn't obvious to me for over an hour
that this girl seemed kind of quite
Until one of the guys pointed out that
she was in a special-ed class
I'm sure a lot of kids would call her a retard
and some just slow
And at this time, and still to this day
I would call her quiet and illiterate
but not retarded
The object of the guys
who had been going there for the past month
was to steal booze
from the downstairs basement den of her house
While others distracted her
by opening covers and doors
and returned to eat all the food
One would go down and take a fifth
and then exit out the downstairs
So we'd do this routine every other day
and got away with it for, oh, about a month
And during that month it happened to be
the epitome of my mental abuse from my mother
It turned out that pot didn't help me escape
my troubles too well anymore
and I was actually enjoying doing rebellious things
like stealing booze and busting store windows and-
And nothing ever mattered
I decided within the next month
I'll not sit on the roof and think about jumping
But I'll actually kill myself
And I wasn't going out from this world
without actually knowing what it was like to get laid
So one day after school
I went to the girl's house alone and invited myself in
and she offered me some twinkies
And I sat on her lap and I said
“Let's ****”
And I touched her t*ts and she went into her bedroom
and got undressed in front of me
And I watched and realised that
it was actually happening
So I tried to **** her but didn't know how
and I asked her if she had ever done this before
And she said “A lot of times”
It's mainly with her cousin
I got groseed out very heavily
with how her vagi** smelled and her sweat reeked
So I left
My conscience grew to where
I couldn't go to school for a week
and when I went back
I got in-house suspension for skipping
And that day
the girl's father came in and screaming
and accusing someone of
taking advantage of his daughter
And so during lunch, a rumour started
and by the next day
Everyone was waiting for me to
yell and cuss and spit at me
(and)callin' me “the retard-****er”
I coudn't handle the ridicule
So I got high and drunk
and walked down to the train tracks and laid down
And put two big pieces of cement
on my chest and legs
and I waited for the eleven o'clock train
And the train came closer and closer and closer
And it went on the next track besides me
insted of over me
The tension from school had an effect on me
and so I coudn't attend the school anymore
And the train scared me enough to rehabilitate myself
and my…My lifting weights an-and mathematics
seemed to be improving so I became less manically depressed
But still haven't had any freinds
because I…I hate everyone…
for they were so phoney