The Arch-Illager
[Verse 1]
I was born into a cruel and unforgiving nasty world
That didnt want me
They rejected, disrespected, scorned and shunned me
Cold and hungry
All I wanted was some company, to be comfy
But to put it bluntly, they were being
A bunch of considerably rude neighbors so I gave up
Then I stumbled on a bloody massive cave, look
The doorway yawned awake slowly, I wasnt brave normally
But a strange force was calling me
And so with a flaming torch in hand, I made my way forward
Though those serrated corners on the boulders made it awkward
I gazеd on in awe, following a short reconnaissance
I saw what lay bеfore me, it was called the Orb of Dominance
It held sway over my thoughts, I gained confidence
Til at once the commoners, no longer had my tolerance
[Chorus]
I am a small Illager, the littlest around
But now, Ive got a small feeling
Im going to be well-endowed
I am a small Illager , my will, it stands proud
Growing til I fit the throne
So hand me the crown
[Verse 2]
Now bow down, show me the top of your head
Hey, I said bow down! Else, Ill be dropping you dead
I am the Arch-Illager and I will pillage your village until you
Give in, so run, you cant win if you stand in my path
Youll get trampled like grass
I see you havent any heating, I can provide that
No need to thank me, heres a torch, completely free of charge
Ill leave your family tree scorched, slashed with lethal steel shards
Oh, I see youre planning a resistance?
If youre going to lead the charge, be advised
Objects in your rear view appear large
Your mistake was thinking this a safe space for your opinions
Til my minions chased you straight away from my dominion
So make haste, spread my covenant all across the kingdom
Im your new government, coming for more than just your income
You can try assembling a rebellion of adventurers
Its never going to bother me, my friend, so dont pretend it does
[Chorus]
Im the Arch-Illager
Now come on down
Down into my dungeon, have a look around
I am the Arch-Illager
Living in a cave and having a party
While keeping villagers enslaved
[Verse 3]
Now come on down, down, come on, quicker, chop-chop
Come on down, down some hard liquor
I am the Arch-Illager, handle my business
Now everybody give a big hand to our visitors
Look at you and your gang, you couldnt be more villainous
Forcing my hand, youre going to be all prisoners
No forgiveness, Im sending in my skeletons in regiments
Defending us against your weapons with a vengeance
Repelling your torches, enemy forces, making me nauseous
Better be cautious or youll be left on the edge of a tall cliff
Awkward! Better restore quick then come down into the dungeon
Where the smell is rather pungent
Cant tell if its your bunions or youve been cutting some onions
[Chorus]
Im the Arch-Illager
Thank you for coming down, now make yourself comfortable
Have a look around
I am the Arch-Illager
Catching you unaware, if you come in unprepared
Heres someone you havent met
[Outro]
So glad you came down, down, summoned to my lair
There now, whats the matter, chuck?
You look a little scared
I am the Arch-Illager and I warned you
That if you didnt give up
Then Id have to confiscate your head
Im not to be messed with, me
I may be small
But Im kind of a big deal
So my suggestion, should you wish to heed it
And I strongly advise that you do
Is to bugger off