A Perfect Circle

Im a single white male 32 years old and Ive never been too great with the women
Well if the truths being told Im not much good with people, Ive been alone in all the places I lived in
But fate had forgiven my shortcomings
and brought something forth from inside me that guides me when a call comes in
Its as if Im blessed with a gift
to talk someone into a spell unknown
when Im lecturin with the telephone
The forced run ins face to face are hella hard
Im afraid to date, but somehow make a great telemarketer
Cause I can sell Antarctica ice in wintertime
29 inches that wont melt and mark up the price
Might be the fact Im alone
but most of the human contact Ive known
Ive always had through the phone
So when I get back to the home where I live now
I sit down and dial my own map to see who answers the
*phone ringing*
Half the old ones I get the message -
The number you have reached has been disconnected
With 10 digits entered from another past number
The ringing interrupts a mans slumber
Hello?
And that was just from last summer
The change is enormous
And keepin up to speed is a real game of endurance
I always get some lame little offers
Specializing in claims for insurance
Or maybe the occasional florist
Corner Florist
Hello?
Hello?
Im sorry, whatd you say?
Corner Florist
Is this a flower shop?
Yes
Oh, Im sorry I think I have the wrong number
OK, bye
Bye
Why am I still searching, and for what I dont know
Perhaps a real person or some version of love on the phone
Its like these 10 little buttons have grown
So significant, my wills worthless fighting off the gluttonous jones
So I chose a different number to try
And I was thinkin Id end up ringing another old guy
But when I reached the third line what a surprise
It was the first time in my whole life
On the telephone my tongue was so tied
Hello?
*Breathing*
Hello?
Uh- uh...
Is there somebody there?
I can hear you
It mustve been something we shared
In the weird few moments of silence
When I was quiet like no one was there
So unprepared to forget your voice
I fell in love though I was scared, like I was left no choice
But you can expect most boys
Who get a first taste of love in their 30s
To revert to their 7th birthday
Thats probably why I went the worst way
And devised a plan to get to know her with my voice disguised
And invented surveys
Hello?
Hi, Im calling from the Census Department
I was hoping you could answer a few questions of ours, maam
Yeah, sure
How many people live in your apartment?
What are their ages? And by chance is anyone partners?
No, its just me. Im 30 and Im not married
Alrighty, do you move often, and have your jobs varied?
No, Ive been here for the last 3 years
And, my jobs did you say?
Yes maam, how many past careers?
Well, Im not really a people person, Ive always worked in a lab
Maam I dont blame you with all the jerks that we have.
I take it you dont get out much to flirt with the lads?
Are you kidding?
Its just as well, men are perfectly crass
Workin the plans I had sown to build a report
I realized to handle by phone wouldnt fulfill me no more
So using the skills I had been born with
I got a address at home tracin the call
So I could see the best mess that Id known
Perhaps it was only a sad attempt
to find the nerve it would take
to say goodbye to the phone and tell the girl to her face
Well, I wont put your day further to waste
Thanks for your time maam, sorry to disturb you, Ok?
Bye
Ok... bye
Desperate times call for closer measures
So I left behind the phone and bought some telephoto lenses
Parked in a car, like those old detectives
I watched from afar, and saw that she lived by herself alone and friendless
Then what I noticed next would leave me livid
Her only guest was a handsome guy
Whose weekly visits had her cry
By the time he would leave
Id bet the guy was an Ex or current flame unless my eyes were deceived
I tried to believe she cried to relieve heart-ache
If this guy would leave it would seem
She was liable to be in harms way
If I could just sneak in her place
Id find it would lead to a trace
Of why she would keep lettin this creep within arms length
Gettin the piece was the easy part
Cause if by chance I met him when I crept in,
through the window I would need the arms
I was breathin hard when I stepped in
Broke the glass into shards with the weapon
And tore the bedroom where she sleeps apart
Thats when a creaking part of the floor
And a twisted knob on the door
Startled me - I turned with the gun
And shot it before I realized I killed my own love
I dropped on all fours
Sobbin and coughin til I spilled my own guts
I came to still on the rug in the same room
Filled with the stuff I had tossed around
And then I found in plain view
What seemed to be a diary
Sittin beside my knee
I couldnt make my mind believe
The words that I would finally read
PAGE 1 -
Thursday, 5: 03
I was trying to sleep before the night-shift
when this guy woke me
He had a voice that had a vibe so sweet
It was caught on my thoughts
And just wouldnt let my mind go free
I skipped to page 74 and read a bit more
The only thing that I look forward to is gettin his calls
If only I could get up the gall
I would tell him I loved him
I had to skip right to the end of it all
As for the last passage it began:
Why me? Wheres my mystery man, God?
How could you let this guy leave
Will all the bad times and depression Ive seen
This just has to be the last lifes lesson I need
In fact this weeks visit with my little brother
He said if the cancer keeps gettin worse itll kill our mother
He said the Doc said I should just accept that shes dying
And from the second he left, I spent the rest of the week crying