first reactions after falling through the ice

I knew it was far too late to walk out on the lake then
Halfway to the middle thawed I wasn't doing all that great
Had I cut my hair short?
Had I grown my beard out long ?
Had I gone to school or…?
Why do all my plans fall through?
There's a leak in the basement
Stupid permanent estrangement
Casement windows need glazing
Hinges and arms need be replaced
All the way at the edge I said I think
That we should head back
What if now the ice cracked?
Think I felt it bend
We took opposite steps
Tried to even the stress
Picked a safe direction but
You never know the way the ice thins
Half-asleep in dreams where
Ceilings start collapsing
Free fall through the roof beams
Get startled back awake
Before you hit the pavement
Floor of the foundation
Water in the basement
Bodies in the lake
Don't panic I could hear you saying as I fell through
Blackness complete down waiting till my feet touched ground
At the bottom they finally did
First reaction was this is it
Next thought was just stay calm kick up
And save your phone
Because I wanted to tell you
Because I thought you should know
Because I thought it might scare you
To see me under the ice
Make you remember you cared for me
What would you do if I died?
Would you fly out for my funeral?
Get too drunk at my wake?
Would you make a scene then?
Climb in and try to resuscitate me ?
I was on the ice and I was underwater
I was getting pulled out, I was in my wet clothes
Stumble on the walk back, someone stoked the fire at camp
I was by the flames trying to get my body warm
I was standing naked checking to see if my phone still worked
I will cut my hair short
Trust me, I will
I will let my beard go
Trust me, I will
I will never tempt fate
Not once, I swear
I will never trust ice
I will never trust a thing