not yet

Mama when she'd ride that horse
Buried out in Wilson fields
Mama'd tell me all she thought
Mama'd tell me all how riding feels
And I thought
Not yet .
Then when mama got too old
No one ever rode that horse
Until one night I stole her key
And I did ride it all night 'till dawn
When I thought
Not yet.
It looks an ugly world out there
Of girl-guides and disease and war
I love my little velvet bed
I never want to leave it anymore
At least
Not yet.
Charlie was the first I caught
And Charlie was the first I begged
To lay an anchor in my heart
He was running his fingers down the inside of my legs
When I thought
Not yet.
All my fears will come to me in dreams
Maybe the end ain't as far as it seems
Not yet revived but not yet mourned
Not quite denied just not yet born.