Billericay Dickie

Good evening, Im from *****
In case you couldnt tell
My given name is ****ie
I come from Billericay
And Im doing very well
Had a love affair with Nina
In the back of my cortina
A seasoned-up hyena
Could not have been more obscener
She took me to the cleaners
And other misdemeanours
But I got right up between her
Rum and her Ribena
Well, you ask Joyce and Vicky
If candy-floss is sticky
Im not a blinking thicky
Im Billericay ****ie
And Im doing very well
I bought a lot of Brandy
When I was courting Sandy
Took eight to make her randy
And all I had was shandy
Another thing with Sandy
What often came in handy
Was passing her a mandy
She didnt half go bandy
So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
If I ever took the mickey
Im not a flipping thicky
Im Billericay ****ie
And Im doing very well
Id rendez-vous with Janet
Quite near the Isle of Thanet
She looked more like a gannet
She wasnt half a prannet
Her mother tried to ban it
Her father helped me plan it
And when I captured Janet
She bruised her pomegranate
Oh, you ask Joyce and Vicky
If I ever shaped up tricky
Im not a blooming thicky
Im Billericay ****ie
And Im doing very well
You should never hold a candle
If you dont know where its been
The jackpot is in the handle
On a normal fruit machine
So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
Whos their favourite brickie
Im not a common thicky
Im Billericay ****ie
And Im doing very well
I know a lovely old toe-rag
Obliging and noblesse
Kindly, charming shag from Shoeburyness
My given name is ** **ie
I come from Billericay
I thought youd never guess
So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
A pair of squeaky chickies
Im not a flaming thicky
Im Billericay * ***y
And Im doing very well
Oh golly, oh gosh
Come and lie on the couch
With a nice bit of posh
From Burnham-on-Crouch
My given name is ****ie
I come from Billericay
And I aint a slouch
So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
About Billericay Dickie
I aint an effing thicky
You ask Joyce and Vicky
Im doing very well