Merry Christmas From The Whole Fam Damily

Merry Christmas From The Whole Fam Damily -Cledus T.Judd
Twas the fight before Christmas
When all through the house
No furniture left standing
No TV or couch
Our aquarium heck they even
Knocked over my Chia Pet
Memaw was flung 'cross
The room by her hair
By her sister Ethel who
Never fought fair
Let's get ready to tumble
The children all wrestled
And jumped off the beds
Dropping elbows and knees
On each other's heads
And Mamaw wth her frying
Pan and Pa with his bat
Cleared half the room
In ten seconds flat
The whole brawl began
From an innocent matter
When Aunt Flo thought Eugene said
She looks a whole lot fatter
She knocked him through
The window he fell with a crash
Tore down the gutters and
Busted his leg really bad
You ought to have saw it
It looked like he'd been
In a motorcycle wreck
No Kiddin
Yeah awful I couldn't
Turn to look at it
You see both sides of our
Family have never gotten along
And every holiday
Something always go wrong
You ain't supposed to fight
But spread joy in this season
But when they get the nog
They just look for a reason
In no time at all everybody joined in
And right there we squared
Off with our closest of kin
It's a time for givin said Uncle Bill
As he gave a black eye
To his brother in law Phil
I heard somebody say
It's the thought that counts
And right now I'm thinking
About knocking your butt out
Presents and fists
Flew all over the room
And Nana had some fancy
Moves with the broom
She took out three cousins
And knocked down the tree
And I ducked just in
Time she swung out at me
It's my favorite time of year
Dad always has too much beer
Gets on the roof and hunts reindeer
Merry Christmas from
The whole fam damily
Tie the antlers on the dog
Save some shine for Santa Claus
From all the in laws and outlaws
Merry Christmas from
The whole fam damily
I crawled to the phone
Lord it seemed like a mile
And called 911which
We keep on speed dial
In a matter of minutes
Out the window appeared
Flashing blue lights and
The Sherrif John Deere
Just then six men burst
Through the door
Some yelling Hands up Some
Get on the floor
A stray punch from Grandpa
Found the sherrif's chin
And just for good measure
He clocked him again
It took all 6cops to get
Grandpa in cuffs
You know he gets feisty
When he runs out of snuff
We all stopped our fighting
And cheered Grandpa on
Heck I thought he could take
Them I guess I was wrong
As they dragged him outside
He yelled I've been framed
He was kicking and screaming
And calling them names
You bleep You bleep
Let me go you bleep
You donut eatin stupid
Bleep son of a bleep
We stood on the porch as
Did all our neighbors
Who always took interest
In our family's behavior
Mind your own business
We heard Grandma shout
And We'll take back the
Presents and then come bail you out
By now we'd forgotten what
We were fighting for
We were battered and bruised
But united once more
Then we all joined hands and
Sang Violent Night
Violent Night
And we heard Grandpa exclaim as
They drove off out of sight
Merry Christmas to all MAN
That was a good fight
Deck your neighbor deck the halls
Tis the season for a brawl
From all of us to all of y'all
Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily
Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily
Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily