Ex-Boyfriend
[Intro]
也可以叫我J8左摆哥
"Aye, what's going on man?
想知道我的故事么？
It's your boy Lil Dicky
听好了！
Aka Mr. Leftward-Sloping Penis
我现任女友芳名Kaite，她性感的不像话
I got a story for y'all, man
身材不但正到爆，鲍鱼也光滑白净无异味
Peep this
虽然通常此等好身材尤物不是我的菜，
Yes sir..! Aiight, let's go"
但她非常特别, 身材好不说
[Verse 1]
重要的是“两面夹鸡”也做的一流
Now I been dating this girl named Katie, she hot as hell
不由得让我觉得她就是我的真命天女
And her body crazy, vagina shaven and it don't smell
虽然衣冠楚楚，但在我眼中犹若尤物
And I don't fall for chickens
见的妞多了，但她特别吸引我
But this one a little different, body sickening
我发誓她是最让我欲火焚身的一个了
Plus, she really good at making breaded chicken
对了还有一件事
Got me thinkin she the one, man
虽然听起来很扯
Even fully clothed, shawty really fun man
但我真的还没上过她
Get a lotta hoes, but none of those come close
我承认我也希望这只是个玩笑
I swear this the most that I've felt so damn exposed
我从来没碰过她
Oh yeah there's one more thing
因为她之前只和一个人上过床
And I know this shit gonna sound insane
虽然我很想一杆入洞
But I still haven't hit it
但完美女神不能强扭
I admit it, I wish I was kidding
所以我耐心等待，飞机解忧
Never been up inside before
但现在我心跳加速
Because she's only fucked one guy before
因为她对我说今晚要给我来点不一样的
And though I really wanna boink this whore
爽！听完后我整个人都斯巴达了
She my sweetie 3.14
我要狠狠干一场，就像黑人兄弟打招呼的方式一样
So I'm stayin patient and masturbating
但在回家的路上，我们碰到了一个神秘男人
And now my heart is sorta racing
他好像认识Kaite
Cause she said tonight will be the night we do some fornicating
我问她他是谁，她回答我说，
Hell yeah, I'm down, I'm 'bout to go all out
亲爱的，这是我的前男友Jim
I'm gonna pound that crazy, like an elaborate black man handshake
虽说我不是那种没事就吃醋的男人
But on the way to crib, we pass this kid
但是看到他的第一眼我就被惊呆了
And he seem to know who Katie is
因为他是我这辈子见过最帅的男人了
So I say "Who this?" and she say
他有着一头浓密的秀发、棱角分明的下巴、天神般的身材
"Dicky, this is my ex-boyfriend Jim!"
这是我看过最就近希腊神袛的男人了
[Chorus 1]
我看着我的女人，想着她曾经被这个男人无T内S过
And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type
我去年买了个表
But as I'm looking at this dude, I can't believe my eyes
这一切真是疯狂
Cause he's the best looking guy that I've seen in my whole life
不敢相信这个人曾经上过我的马子
He's got the thickest head of hair, chiseled jaw, an egregious bod
我敢打赌他已经把那粉嫩的私处蹂躏成黑木耳了
Man, this the closest thing I've seen to a Grecian god
对着他的肩胛骨又抱又挤的
And now I'm lookin at my chick, cause his dick's been inside her raw (fuck that!)
我想想就难过，这样不好
Aw, damn
接着他们说“一起喝一杯吧”，我只能说好
[Verse 2]
虽说我只想被上
Man this is crazy
这家伙长的真不公平，
I can't believe this guy used to fuck my lady
他就像艾什顿库彻和休·杰克曼的合体
I bet he left that pussy ravaged like Haiti
换句话说，他真他妈诱人
Katie's hugging and squeezing his shoulder blades
哟黑的皮肤或许他有一点黑人血统
And I'm buggin and queasy, this ain't okay
现在我在后面和他一起喝着小酒
And then they say, "Let's get drinks" so I say "Okay"
最后他付的钱，他好像是银行家
Even though I was about to get laid!
我装作好像我并没什么
Man this muhfucker look like Ashton
但我心中一万只草泥马想着他和Kiate在床上OOXX
Combined wit a lil Hugh Jackman
现在我感觉超不爽，所以我得去撒泡尿
In other words, he's so damn attractive
期间我看了左边的兄弟是谁
So damn tan, he gotta have a little black in him
我必须看看他的尺寸如何
Now I'm in the back wit him, sippin on some 'gnac wit him
所以我踮起脚尖偷偷看了一眼
And he payin for it all, he investment banking
我的亲爹八舅，看看那屌
I'm acting like I ain't distracted
我通常不是那么容易嫉妒的人
But I'm reenacting him and Katie bangin'
但是看着那奇尺大屌，我的狗眼都瞎了
And now I'm feelin' pissed, so I go and take a piss
他是我这一生中见过的J8最大的了
Midstream, I look left and guess who it is
我仇视地盯着这根软趴趴的香蕉
And I had to see, and I was mad discreet
八英寸多啊 这尼玛
And I got on my tippy toes and I took a little peek
我幼小的心灵被创伤了，我都不知道怎么面对我的女人了
"Oh my god becky, look at that cock!"
哎呦我操
[Chorus 2]
我不知道做什么了，那家伙J8真心大
And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type
我从没想过一根屌怎么能如此光滑动人
But as I'm lookin at his dick, I can't believe me eyes
我知道她的B已经饥渴难耐了，但我的鸡鸡只能望B兴叹
Because he's got the biggest cock that I've seen in my whole life
仔细想想他的J8应该有腹肌吧
And now I'm starin at this dude's soft dick with a lot of hate
六块腹肌的J8，我TM在想啥
Because the shit is plus 8 like Jon and Kate
它又长又粗，就像一个沙包袋
And I don't know if I can date my girl after tonight
我敢说他一定修过毛，蘑菇头也堪称完美
Aw, damn
看看我的J8就像葡萄干
[Verse 3]
他的肤色也好，下面还大得不像话
I don't know what to do, dude's dick is really huge
我该怎么比
I didn't realize a penis could be so smooth
如果说他的屌是豪华大餐，那我的就是垃圾快餐
I know she's missing that, my penis isn't that
我想是时候去和Kaite分手了
I'm looking closer, I think that his dick has abs
这尼玛我根本和人家没法比
Six pack on a dick, now what the fuck is that?
在看过他两腿之间的怪物后，
It's so long and thick, It's like a punching bag
我和Kaite坦白了
I'm saying it's so shaven, head is amazing
我已经拜倒在你前男友的大屌之下
Got my dick looking like a raisin
我甚至要伸长脖子才能从根看到头
Skin tone insane, man he's hung like Saddam Hussein, it's crazy
他的屌真是大到让别的男人伤心
What the fuck should I do?
我想我们还是分了为好吧
He gotta Ruth's Chris dick, and mine's a drive-thru....
因为和他啪啪啪一定是人生的一大享受吧
I think it's time to tell Katie my goodbyes
我们还是做普通朋友吧
Cause I simply can't survive
但他J8的阴影始终会在我的心里挥之不去，所以再见
After seeing what was in between his thighs
但她之后对我说：我不知道该说什么好
So I tell her
因为我只是在小学二年级和他约会过
[Chorus 3]
所以他的鸡型怎么样我根本不清楚，我们还是回家爱爱吧
"That this dude's got a dick that I don't comprehend
我欢天喜地地把她带回窝并开始亲热
I had to move my neck to see it end to end
我帮她口就像在吸毒一样，当我高潮时
I mean the physics of his dick just don't make any sense
我扯出J8然后幸福地S了她一屁股，爽！！！
And I think it's for the best if this comes to an end
Because the sex with him must have been the best
And I would say let's just be friends
But I think I would just think about his dick all the time, so goodbye"
Then she told me, "Dicky, I don't really know what to say
Because I dated this dude in second grade
So I don't know about his dick, now let's go home and get you laid"
[Outro]
And then I took her to my crib, and you know that we belly slapped
And I gave her an O like I was selling crack, and when I came, I pulled out and nutted all over her left thigh (Oh damn)
And upper mid-section region, you can call that the pelvis
Some would even call that the pubic bone
Leave the pubes at home, making this up on the spot
Fuck you know about it?
I'm about to go paper-mache my own dick and ride it