a Departure

Night fell on me writing this and
I ran out of paper so
I crossed the name
Out at the top of the page.
Not sure why
I'm even writing this.
But I guess
It feels right.
It sort of feels like
I have to–like an exorcism.

I Guess that makes me sound crazy but that's alright.
Lately I feel like
I Might be, not that
I've heard any voices or anything.
Just like that
Everyday kind, where you forget things you shouldn't and you think too much
About death.

Maybe you know what
I'm talking about.
Or maybe you
Would have known?
Or had known? 

Is it once knew?
I don't know what
Tense to use.

I know I never used to feel like this.
I used to never
Think of death or hear voices.
I used to feel like everything was perfectly
In order, a normal life, but
I guess then came a departure.
That I know you understand (or would've understood?).
I guess things
Changed after that, and
I'm mostly scared now.
But it's there in the stories, or whatever they are.
You can see it.
Anybody could if they could look.
I wrote some notes in the margins
Explaining it.
The rest is in between lines or in the fine
Print. First,
The feeling of abandonment, and then trying to cope.
Then death and hope
And the thing itself, waiting for me.
It's all there in the pages ahead of
Here. It's there waiting for you.
Or for me.
I'm not sure.
The whole story.