Tune Into The Madness

(!WARNING FOR THE VIDEO!)
（光敏性癲癇與膽小者慎入視頻！）
(a horrorable song by tne Stupendium & Dan Bull)
作者：the Stupendium & Dan Bull）
Good evening
諸位夜安
Do you know any good monsters?
在座有了解過良物嗎？
Did you ever swerve your car in today's top speed of 35 miles an hour into an automobile?
各位可曾在最高時速35英里時出軌撞向別車？
Do you ever do the dishes for your wife? I should say 'Not'
您有幫妻子洗過碗嗎？大概沒有吧
Mrs Carter donesn't really mind
卡特夫人才不介意
Washing her teflon-coated pans
清洗她的不粘鍋
New
它全新
Vital
可信賴
And fashionable!
還很時髦！
Fond of children?
您很喜歡小孩？
'Well its only natural'
“喔，天生如此”
Yes.You can't get away from it
是的.您無法抗拒本能
There are branches everywhere
這裡滿地都是樹杈
And it's safe?
真的安全嗎？
Yes.Sir!
當然啦，先生！
Dan Bull:
Deep down down
幽邃之下
Between the trees
寒樹之間
Nestled in the leaves
安於落葉
Gleams a TV screen
熒屏閃爍
Near a small lad
少年在旁
Sitting in the tall grass
匿身高草
the Stupendium:
It's an odd transmission
奇異廣播
To be broadcast
為您呈現
Dan Bull:
Listen as we talk dark thoughts
聆聽我們暢談的黑暗幻想
And soar past the watershed line
並飛身翱翔穿越分水嶺線
Before your bedtime
作為睡前的活動
You'll panic like a rabbit
你會慌張得像只懷錶兔
That is caught in headlights
接著被前車燈逮個正著
the Stupendium:
Reckon we're manic?
咬定我們過於狂妄？
Dan Bull:
Of course
那肯定
You're DEAD RIGHT
您真是該死--地正確
You better exercise
你最好多練練
More caution next time
還要更加謹慎
Or you'll end up
又或者你會把你的
In tomorrow morning's headlines
死狀刊入明日頭條
Obituary nothing more than
訃告無非就是些
the Stupendium:
'Born and then Died'
“他出生後去世了”
Dan Bull:
And not a single family member
並不會有一位家人
Or a friend cried
或是摯友為你落淚
ALL:
Tune into the madness
調入“癲狂之音”
Tune into the madness once more
再調整到瘋癲的頻道一次
Tune into the madness
“調入癲狂”之音
Tune into the madness,ENCORE!
再奏起狂妄的旋律，回場！
TV:
This remarkable offer
這批獨樹一幟的好貨
The first and only one of its kind
既是第一也會是唯一
Delicious
絲滑香甜
Nutritious
高營養的
Breakfast cereals
早間麥片
SHOT FROM GUNS!
火箭炮製！
YES.SIR!
是的先生！
You could buy eight additional teaspoons!
還附贈八根茶匙！
the Stupendium:
Oh look who's come for tea!
喔瞧瞧，這是誰來參加茶會了！
Are you sitting comfortably?
三月兔的座位，坐著還舒服嗎？
Dan Bull:
All of the children
所有的孩子
Better sit still then
要乖乖坐好
'Cause when little kiddies fidget
因為小屁孩們一旦亂吵
THEN I KILL THEM!
就把他們幹掉！
the Stupendium:
Class is now in session
現在準備開始上課
Time you learned your lesson
該給你們點教訓了
Stare into the glare
直勾勾地瞪著刺光
Until your mind is effervescent
直到心智被它煮沸
Bubbling the troubling
趟入這攤渾水冒泡一下
You'll find it less depressing
就會發現也沒那麼蕭條
Open up your eyes
睜開你的雙眼
You'll be surprised what you might let in
為所見而驚嘆
Dan Bull:
The violent and the tragic
暴力與悲劇交織
Hiding in the static
編纂成靜電光幕
the Stupendium:
This silent,enigmatic child
這沉默的迷之少年
Had better pack it in!
最好趕緊收工跑路！
Dan Bull:
And leave the schedule to the grown-ups
接著把日程表還給大人們
the Stupendium:
Revel in the pestilence
在瘟疫中盡情歡溺
Auntie beeb throws up
拋開婆娘們的嘮叨
TV:
As a result of long continuing research
一系列的研究表明
In commercial explosives
在業界的爆炸性發展中
Pepsodent's new,improved formula
白速得牙膏的新款升級配方
Cleans teeth whiter than ever
能有效祛除牙齒上暗沉的垢膜並防止蛀牙
'It certainly does'
“嗯，確實如此”
ALL:
Tune into the madness
調入“癲狂之音”
Pictures hand-picked to be sickening.Queasy
精心挑選的圖片定讓您反胃作嘔
Tune into the madness
“調入癲狂”之音
Transfixed and bewitched by the flickering TV
在閃爍的電視前如同入魔般杵著
Dan Bull:
Hold up
先等等
Don't touch that dial
別碰那塊調諧度盤
Look at our isle of muck and bile
來看看我們的膽汁與污穢之島
With a saviour clad in a paper bag
身披救世之袍的紙袋小子
That must be one ugly child
恐怕比卡西莫多還鄙猥吧
the Stupendium:
Gaze into the space
向虛空凝望
Between the pixels on the screen
屏幕間的像素在閃耀
There you'll see a place
你會在其中尋得
Between the signal and the screams
信號與尖鳴的平衡之處
Dan Bull:
Feel the oscillation
感受搖擺的振幅
Of the crystal in your dreams
源自夢中的水晶
All:
Just switch off your brain
只需讓你的大腦宕機
And let it sizzle in the beams
隨它在放送途中顫抖
the Stupendium:
These scenes some viewers
有些觀眾在這幕
May find disturbing
也許會感到不安
Dan Bull:
Violent and unnerving
暴力而緊張的情節
the Stupendium:
Frighteningly alluring
恐怖吸引你的眼球
Dan Bull:
Slightly stomach-churning
悄悄讓你胃液倒流
the Stupendium:
Why would you be turning over? !
為什麼你要換台啊？ ！
Oh.So many programmes!
喔，有這麼多節目呢！
For discerning viewers
專為有品味的觀眾定制
Who are just like you
就如同您一樣好眼光
Dan Bull:
Eyes locked to the box
把目光聚集在機箱上
For the schlock like glue
淘購便宜的膠水等貨
Shambling in their droves
抓住受眾呆滯的心理
Scrambling their lobes
擾亂他們思考的腦葉
the Stupendium:
Get mangled in the strobe
雙眼在聚光中受損
Till you're cross-eyed too
直到你也患上內斜視
TV:
Here's a message to millions of people
這有條面向百萬大眾的福音
Who are continually pale and washed-out
專為常年疲憊得臉色煞白
Weak and run-down
體弱欠恙的人士準備
'All I do is bring you pounds and pounds of baby food'
“我的責任就只是為你掙英鎊和買幾磅嬰兒輔食”
Good,lean butcher's steak
瞧瞧這些上好的瘦牛排
Very satisfying cake
還有這濃郁可口的蛋糕
Impress this fact upon mother
但要向母親們提及一點：
Boys and girls have overactive oil glands
準男子漢和小姑娘們都有著過於油膩的尾脂腺
'Don't say it like that
“不許你這麼說
You'll make her sound ungainly'
你讓她聽上去一點也不優雅”
ALL:
Tune into the madness
調入“癲狂之音”
Tubes swimming with miasmic blackness
頻道在巫毒的黑暗中游盪
Tune into the madness
“調入癲狂”之音
Sit glued to your viewing apparatus
緊挨著你運作中的放映機
Dan Bull:
IZZY！
咿咂！
the Stupendium:
WIZZY!
嗚咂！
All:
Let's get BUSY!!
忙起來吧！
Dan Bull:
Such a pity diddy kiddies threw a tizzy
對著爸爸大喊大叫的孩子真是悲哀
the Stupendium:
Don't be silly
別犯傻了
What's the trouble,little Timmy?
到底怎麼了，小提米？
Itty bitty nippers
小小的四眼仔們
Should be giddy for the TV!
活該看電視看到發暈！
Dan Bull:
Strange lights are disguised
詭異之芒被深藏在
In the bright glare
電視刺亮的閃光裡
Daytime television's
節目在早晨間放送
Hellish in the right mindset
卻往觀眾心裡施害
Too much time staring
長時間的注視會讓
Will make your eyes square
你感到雙眼在發方
the Stupendium:
Any more,you'll end up like that child there
再看下去，你就會落得和那個小孩同樣的下場
Dan Bull:
Can't toggle off the gogglebox
關不上這個電視機
the Stupendium:
So pop another bottle top
那就再來開上一瓶
Dan Bull:
Top up your cup and sup the propaganda
舉起酒杯品品廣告
the Stupendium:
Prost!
恭祝安康！
Mazel Tov!
好運昌隆！
Dan Bull:
They say it's challenging to break a daily habit
俗話說“江山易改禀性難移”
Pacified into paralysis
最後被生活磨平了棱角
A state of telly addicts
沉迷電視而醉生夢死著
the Stupendium:
Maybe one day the cathode rays'll be chromatic
也許有一天陰極射線會變得多彩
Bringing colour to the pallor
渲染著這一片灰白
Of the faces in the static
讓演員也擁有顏色
Dan Bull:
Taking off the mask
摘下我的面具
My behaviour is erraic
行為變得失真
the Stupendium:
Claiming to be sane
自稱十分清醒
But I'm just asymptomatic
不過反复無常
Wait ,did you hear that?
等會，你聽見了嗎？
Dan Bull:
Someone's pacing in the attic
有人在閣樓裡渡步
All:
What in the blazes could be making such a racket?
煉獄之中有啥能弄出這麼大的聲響？
Dan Bull:
OOOH,I say
喔，我得說
You gave me a fright there
你當真把我嚇著了
I think I'm having another little nightmare
我覺得這是小小夢魘的再次來襲
ALL:
Tune into the madness
“調”入癲狂之地
Urchins channel surfing and subservient to the sadness
瀏覽這些頻道的頑童們被悲劇所俘虜
Zoom in with the cameras
鏡頭逐漸拉近
Squirming as the sermon's stirred into your hippocampus
縈繞著你海馬體的辭藻讓你蠕動抽搐
TV:
CREAM
乳脂
Not a soap
既不是油脂
Not a liquid
也不是液體
But a dainty cream
而是可口的奶油
It covers everything easily and beautifully
它如湯沃雪般地覆蓋在食物表層
And what an eyeful ther're going to get
營造出多麼賞心悅目的奇妙搭配
Dan Bull:
FEAST YOUR EYES
讓你大開眼界
Till you're anaesthetised
直到沉醉其中
the Stupendium:
Lead a peaceful life
引領最平和的生活
For the cheapest price
提供最低廉的價格
No need to seek advice
無需尋求專家建議
Dan Bull:
Or plea to Jesus Christ
也不用向耶穌禱告
In the deep of night
在純黑至暗的夜裡
YOU'LL REALLY SEE THE LIGHT
才能看見希冀之光
No one observes just how ominous
無人知曉有多麼不詳
The world is when monotonous
如果這世界平平無奇
the Stupendium:
Channelling the brightest minds
能將最開明的頭腦扭轉
Until they turn witless and punderous
直到他們變得愚昧乏味
Dan Bull:
Their aleryness is interred
他們機敏不再
In this infernalest sarcophagus
葬於冥界石棺
the Stupendium:
The absurd and the preposterous
荒謬可笑之人
Burned in by the phosphorus
焚身白磷之中
Uncertain what lurks
仍未明了何物
Under the surface of your consciousness?
於意識中匿藏？
Observe it and you'll learn
一留意就會知道
That it's PERTURBING
它令人煩躁不堪
SICK and MONSTROUS
變得病態般窮惡
Keep surfing through diversions
在消遣中繼續翻找
UMA Thurman's new detergint
烏瑪瑟曼代言的新款清潔劑
Normal service will return
我們是能回歸日常節目
After a word from our sponsors
不過需要贊助商的准許
TV:
Ladies.What's your problem?
女士們，在為何事苦惱呢？
'Gracious!I've nothing for the Johnsons yet!'
“天哪！我沒有東西能送給約翰森家！”
Keep clam folks
冷靜點，伙計們！
Buy the gifts that will look more expensive than they are!
購買那些金玉其外的禮物就好！
200 different formulations of dynamite
由200種不同配方混制的炸藥
So powerful that it'll kill a rat
藥效強勁得能殺死老鼠！
Press this secret button right here
按下這裡的隱藏按鈕
And an authentic western pistol pops out and fires!
一把正宗的西部左輪就會彈起出膛！
ALL:
Tune into the madness(yEs!)
收看瘋狂訊號（耶！）
A bountiful lineup of schooling and comedy(WoOO!)
教育性喜劇的紮實班底
Huge wins at the baftas
豪奪影視魁首
Bound to be prizes when you're every nominee
只要你被提名就能做到
tunE inTo THe mAdnesS(GaA!)
調頻至“癲狂之音”（嘎！）
TuNE IntO tHe MadneSs onCe mORe
令往復的電台陷入瘋狂
tUnE iNto ThE mADNEsS(eAAa!)
“調入癲狂”的音律
TUNE INTO THE MADNESS,ENCORE!
讓荒誕的音調邁入輪迴，返場！
TV:
No guest is ever really happy
沒有賓客會被這樣糊弄
Without the right kind of tea
你都沒端上高等的茶水
Well don't keep staring at it(HaHaHa..)
好吧不要就這麼盯著它...
Taste it!
小啜一口！
Getting high on life could be habit forming
習慣奢侈的生活再容易不過了
You just can't grow up fast enough can you?
你也只是長得不夠快而已,不是嗎？

(ThE eND)