Ex-Boyfriend
[Intro]
也可以叫我J8左擺哥
'Aye, what's going on man?
想知道我的故事麼？
It's your boy Lil Dicky
聽好了！
Aka Mr. Leftward-Sloping Penis
我現任女友芳名Kaite，她性感的不像話
I got a story for y'all, man
身材不但正到爆，鮑魚也光滑白淨無異味
Peep this
雖然通常此等好身材尤物不是我的菜，
Yes sir..! Aiight, let's go'
但她非常特別, 身材好不說
[ Verse 1]
重要的是“兩面夾雞”也做的一流
Now I been dating this girl named Katie, she hot as hell
不由得讓我覺得她就是我的真命天女
And her body crazy, vagina shaven and it don't smell
雖然衣冠楚楚，但在我眼中猶若尤物
And I don't fall for chickens
見的妞多了，但她特別吸引我
But this one a little different, body sickening
我發誓她是最讓我慾火焚身的一個了
Plus, she really good at making breaded chicken
對了還有一件事
Got me thinkin she the one, man
雖然聽起來很扯
Even fully clothed, shawty really fun man
但我真的還沒上過她
Get a lotta hoes , but none of those come close
我承認我也希望這只是個玩笑
I swear this the most that I've felt so damn exposed
我從來沒碰過她
Oh yeah there's one more thing
因為她之前只和一個人上過床
And I know this shit gonna sound insane
雖然我很想一桿入洞
But I still haven't hit it
但完美女神不能強扭
I admit it, I wish I was kidding
所以我耐心等待，飛機解憂
Never been up inside before
但現在我心跳加速
Because she's only fucked one guy before
因為她對我說今晚要給我來點不一樣的
And though I really wanna boink this whore
爽！聽完後我整個人都斯巴達了
She my sweetie 3.14
我要狠狠乾一場，就像黑人兄弟打招呼的方式一樣
So I'm stayin patient and masturbating
但在回家的路上，我們碰到了一個神秘男人
And now my heart is sorta racing
他好像認識Kaite
Cause she said tonight will be the night we do some fornicating
我問她他是誰，她回答我說，
Hell yeah, I'm down, I'm 'bout to go all out
親愛的，這是我的前男友Jim
I'm gonna pound that crazy, like an elaborate black man handshake
雖說我不是那種沒事就吃醋的男人
But on the way to crib, we pass this kid
但是看到他的第一眼我就被驚呆了
And he seem to know who Katie is
因為他是我這輩子見過最帥的男人了
So I say 'Who this?' and she say
他有著一頭濃密的秀發、棱角分明的下巴、天神般的身材
'Dicky, this is my ex-boyfriend Jim!'
這是我看過最就近希臘神袛的男人了
[Chorus 1]
我看著我的女人，想著她曾經被這個男人無T內S過
And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type
我去年買了個表
But as I'm looking at this dude, I can't believe my eyes
這一切真是瘋狂
Cause he's the best looking guy that I've seen in my whole life
不敢相信這個人曾經上過我的馬子
He's got the thickest head of hair, chiseled jaw, an egregious bod
我敢打賭他已經把那粉嫩的私處蹂躪成黑木耳了
Man , this the closest thing I've seen to a Grecian god
對著他的肩胛骨又抱又擠的
And now I'm lookin at my chick, cause his dick's been inside her raw (fuck that! )
我想想就難過，這樣不好
Aw, damn
接著他們說“一起喝一杯吧”，我只能說好
[Verse 2]
雖說我只想被上
Man this is crazy
這傢伙長的真不公平，
I can't believe this guy used to fuck my lady
他就像艾什頓庫徹和休·傑克曼的合體
I bet he left that pussy ravaged like Haiti
換句話說，他真他媽誘人
Katie's hugging and squeezing his shoulder blades
喲黑的皮膚或許他有一點黑人血統
And I'm buggin and queasy, this ain't okay
現在我在後面和他一起喝著小酒
And then they say, 'Let's get drinks' so I say 'Okay '
最後他付的錢，他好像是銀行家
Even though I was about to get laid!
我裝作好像我並沒什麼
Man this muhfucker look like Ashton
但我心中一萬隻草泥馬想著他和Kiate在床上OOXX
Combined wit a lil Hugh Jackman
現在我感覺超不爽，所以我得去撒泡尿
In other words, he's so damn attractive
期間我看了左邊的兄弟是誰
So damn tan, he gotta have a little black in him
我必須看看他的尺寸如何
Now I'm in the back wit him, sippin on some 'gnac wit him
所以我踮起腳尖偷偷看了一眼
And he payin for it all, he investment banking
我的親爹八舅，看看那屌
I'm acting like I ain't distracted
我通常不是那麼容易嫉妒的人
But I'm reenacting him and Katie bangin'
但是看著那奇尺大屌，我的狗眼都瞎了
And now I'm feelin' pissed, so I go and take a piss
他是我這一生中見過的J8最大的了
Midstream, I look left and guess who it is
我仇視地盯著這根軟趴趴的香蕉
And I had to see, and I was mad discreet
八英寸多啊這尼瑪
And I got on my tippy toes and I took a little peek
我幼小的心靈被創傷了，我都不知道怎麼面對我的女人了
'Oh my god becky, look at that cock!'
哎呦我操
[Chorus 2]
我不知道做什麼了，那傢伙J8真心大
And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type
我從沒想過一根屌怎麼能如此光滑動人
But as I'm lookin at his dick, I can't believe me eyes
我知道她的B已經飢渴難耐了，但我的雞雞隻能望B興嘆
Because he's got the biggest cock that I've seen in my whole life
仔細想想他的J8應該有腹肌吧
And now I'm starin at this dude's soft dick with a lot of hate
六塊腹肌的J8，我TM在想啥
Because the shit is plus 8 like Jon and Kate
它又長又粗，就像一個沙包袋
And I don't know if I can date my girl after tonight
我敢說他一定修過毛，蘑菇頭也堪稱完美
Aw, damn
看看我的J8就像葡萄乾
[Verse 3]
他的膚色也好，下面還大得不像話
I don't know what to do, dude's dick is really huge
我該怎麼比
I didn't realize a penis could be so smooth
如果說他的屌是豪華大餐，那我的就是垃圾快餐
I know she's missing that, my penis isn't that
我想是時候去和Kaite分手了
I'm looking closer, I think that his dick has abs
這尼瑪我根本和人家沒法比
Six pack on a dick, now what the fuck is that?
在看過他兩腿之間的怪物後，
It's so long and thick, It's like a punching bag
我和Kaite坦白了
I'm saying it's so shaven, head is amazing
我已經拜倒在你前男友的大屌之下
Got my dick looking like a raisin
我甚至要伸長脖子才能從根看到頭
Skin tone insane, man he's hung like Saddam Hussein, it's crazy
他的屌真是大到讓別的男人傷心
What the fuck should I do?
我想我們還是分了為好吧
He gotta Ruth's Chris dick, and mine's a drive-thru....
因為和他啪啪啪一定是人生的一大享受吧
I think it's time to tell Katie my goodbyes
我們還是做普通朋友吧
Cause I simply can't survive
但他J8的陰影始終會在我的心裡揮之不去，所以再見
After seeing what was in between his thighs
但她之後對我說：我不知道該說什麼好
So I tell her
因為我只是在小學二年級和他約會過
[Chorus 3]
所以他的雞型怎麼樣我根本不清楚，我們還是回家愛愛吧
'That this dude's got a dick that I don't comprehend
我歡天喜地地把她帶回窩並開始親熱
I had to move my neck to see it end to end
我幫她口就像在吸毒一樣，當我高潮時
I mean the physics of his dick just don't make any sense
我扯出J8然後幸福地S了她一屁股，爽！！！
And I think it's for the best if this comes to an end
Because the sex with him must have been the best
And I would say let's just be friends
But I think I would just think about his dick all the time, so goodbye'
Then she told me, 'Dicky, I don't really know what to say
Because I dated this dude in second grade
So I don't know about his dick, now let's go home and get you laid'
[Outro]
And then I took her to my crib, and you know that we belly slapped
And I gave her an O like I was selling crack, and when I came, I pulled out and nutted all over her left thigh (Oh damn)
And upper mid-section region, you can call that the pelvis
Some would even call that the pubic bone
Leave the pubes at home, making this up on the spot
Fuck you know about it?
I'm about Togo paper-馬車沒有own dick and RI的IT<比如>