Dreaming Or Sinking

I tried looking into her eyes to make sense of my own life,
我試著從她的眼光裡找尋生活的意義
But found senseless realisations, I was reckless and she was justification;
但卻一無所獲，我開始變得魯莽，而她也開始對我百般推脫
A vacation from the monotony I lived in.
這是我單調生活裡的一道彩虹
And avoiding risk felt nice until I realized, I was avoiding purpose.
在我發現我逃避的是風險的時候，我所逃避的卻是她的目標
And it's all new but I love her,
任憑世間萬物如何變化，我愛她的心從未改變
At least I think because I don't want to live so empty.
至少我這麼做是為了填補我內心的空虛
And I have this tendency to complicate things better than I break things and she was somehow caught in the in between.
而且我讓事物變得複雜的趨勢比我破壞事物的趨勢要好多了，她卻莫名其妙地困在我倆的關係之間
And forever means forever and that's what it will always mean.
永遠就是永遠，長久如此
And life is a reality except for when it's a dream.
生活啊，不是現實即是虛幻
And those are the moments that I can't seem to think,
這些東西看起來都好像不可理喻
But I make sense of my mess by making sense of her and me.
但我卻試圖用找到我和她之間意義的方式在混亂不堪的生活裡找尋著生活的意義
And this fear keeps me alive,
我知道她隨時會離開我，這種恐懼
This fear of knowing that she could leave me.
是我活下去的動力
And I could try.
我也會盡力嘗試
But this fear fuels the flames,
但這種感覺卻如同火上澆油
That's why I feel like I'm going to die.
讓我感覺萬箭穿心
Cause she kept a part of me close by and I liked it the best I can.
因為她心裡一直有我，我也喜歡這種感覺
And now that I know who I used to be it's hard to be happy with who I am.
現在我知道我的人格和過去的我根本無法和睦相處
And that's where she came in.
都是因為她
A half-baked smile and a love to pretend,
虛偽的愛戀和職業的假笑
But prior to then, love was nothing more to me than a vacation,
但是在此之前，愛情對我來說還不如一個假期重要
A vacant motivation,
一種空虛的積極性
To avoid the means it takes to reach any real end.
去逃避一切可能讓我認清自我的結果
A sense of salvation,
一種被拯救的感覺
But also an element of bitter hope,
也是苦痛希望的組成部分
To cope with the rope that was tied around my neck.
去拿下套在我脖子上的奪命繩索
And the saviour I hoped for was chased away,
我寄予希望的救世主卻逃走了
Way back then,
當時
When I found vices to take the place of all the things I wanted to be.
當我發現我的夢想是那麼惡名昭著的時候
And I lost sight of me,
我也迷失了自己
But I was told I could be anybody.
但是我能擁有夢想
And I thought I could find purpose in loving someone who looks like me
而且我能找到去和一個神似自己的人墜入愛河的目的
And I began dreaming or sinking,
我開始墮落了
Most nights they meant the same thing.
日思夜想，夜不能寐
And when that salvation finally found me,
當救世主找到我
]It was traded away for thirty pieces of silver.
卻被像銀子一樣，分成十三塊賣掉了
Seems like that's not too much I guess but I sold my saviour for a whole lot less.
就好像我所認為的，出賣我的救世主一樣，什麼都沒有了
My two best friends,
我的兩個好朋友
Acceptance and a mirage of fake happiness.
對於虛假快樂的幻想和最終接納
And now the words I use to cling to as my refuge,
我曾經一度認為能作為我避風港的那些話
Now torture me in my head.
現在卻每時每刻都在折磨著我
Forgive them father they know not what they do,
主啊，原諒他們吧，他們是無心的
It's funny cause it seems like I did every time I lied to you.
就好像我的的確確每次都在對你撒謊一樣令人發笑
And that's my only truth,
但那卻是我唯一的真話
That I can't sleep at night
我夜不能寐
And I can't get these things right,
我做不對啊
And salvation escaped when she came into view.
當她來看我的時候，我的救世主就離開了
And now I'm hoping my whole life isn't mistaken as you,
現在我希望我的全部生活別像你一樣樣誤入歧途就好了
But there's no way of knowing,
誰都不知道
When all I'm doing is coping.
我這麼做都是為了
With my own pride.
驕傲的自己
And my past would fight with me hoping I would find truth,
而且我的過去一定會和我尋找真理的希望作鬥爭
But it's never a good idea to start a fight with a man who has nothing to lose,
但是和一個一無所有的人去爭，去鬥，永遠都不是一個好主意
And I'm empty.
我開始空虛
My heart is caving in.
我的心碎了
And for whatever reason,
不管什麼理由
I finally let somebody in.
最終ta來了
And I don't know what love is.
我不知道什麼是愛
But I'm growing.
但是我成長了