what是gonna happen
I know whats gonna happen
我知道會發生什麼
Ill try to go to bed
我會試著入睡
With fear of failure flapping
對失敗的恐懼在我腦中
Like a fruit bat in my head
像一隻果蝠一樣亂飛
Ill sleep for half an hour
我只能睡半小時
The clock will ring at six
鬧鐘在六點響起
Ill wake up in the shower with a stomach full of bricks
我會在浴室中身體沉重地醒來
So I wont have any breakfast, maybe just a little tea
所以我不會吃早飯可能只喝一點茶
Like when you have to go and get a colonoscopy
就像你在去做結腸鏡檢查之前要做的那樣
Which incidentally isnt half as disconcerting or upsetting
但是那壓力可半點比不上
As going for a part you know there is no way that you are getting
為了一個你知道你不會拿到的角色去試鏡的不安
But anyway Im heading, downtown for the audition
但我還是得去市中心走一遭
Where everything Im dreading will be coming to fruition
在那裡我所有的恐懼都將成為現實
And heres whats gonna happen
接下來會發生這些事
Ill walk in weak with hunger
我走進去因為飢餓而虛弱
And theres a dozen girls who look like me but ten years younger
那裡有著十幾個女孩和我長相相似卻比我年輕十歲
Ill go into the bathroom and Ill try to vocalize
我會走進洗手間試著練聲
And Ill be singing 'minga-minga-minga-minga-ming'
我會唱著minga-minga-minga-minga-ming
But Ill be hearing Sandy sucks
但是我會聽見“珊迪真差勁”
She really sucks, she really, really, really blows
“她真的真的真的很爛”
And shes old, and shes lame,
“她又老又沒本事”
and then someone calls my name
然後有人叫到我的名字
And heres what happens
接下來會發生這些事
Ill walk into the room
我走進房間
The gross fluorescent lighting is inviting as a tomb
那惡心的熒光燈像座墳墓
And everybody smiles, theyll say its good to see ya
大家都微笑說著“很高興見到你”
But all I see is judges and theyll all look like Scalia
但我看到的只有裁判長得都跟安東寧·斯卡利亞（前美國最高法院大法官）一樣
And then a little banter as they look me up and down
之後寒暄一番他們會打量我
And somewhere through the fog of insecurity and hate
透過那惶恐與恨意的迷霧
Ill try to convince them that Im charming
我會努力說服他們我有魅力
And Im clever and Im fun to have around
我很聰明我是個有趣的人
But Im starting to unravel in my head I hear the gavel
但是我快散架了我彷彿聽見槌音
Guilty! Theyre gonna throw the book at me cuz Im
有罪！他們會責罰我 因為我
Guilty! Of coming in and wasting all their time
有罪！因為我浪費了他們的時間
Guilty! Of almost every other showbiz crime
有罪！因為我觸犯了這行業裡幾乎所有的禁條
Not young enough!
不夠年輕！
Not thin enough!
不夠纖細！
Not pretty enough!
不夠漂亮！
Not good enough!
不夠好！
We hereby sentence you to a lifetime of waiting tables and debilitating self-loathing
我們判處你終身當個服務生 並一輩子背負無盡的自我憎恨
Sandy?
珊迪？
But wait no someones asking
不 等等 有人在問我
So can we hear your voice?
我們能聽聽你的聲音嗎？
I make a lame attempt at humor: Do I have a choice?
我開個可憐的玩笑：我難道能說不嗎？
I nod at the pianist
我向鋼琴伴奏點頭
Hes always wearing black
他總是穿著黑衣服
Hes always in a turtleneck with dandruff on his back
總是那件高領衫背上還全是頭屑
No sooner do I get my note and open up my trap
我找准我的音高一隻腳已踏入陷阱
Then inevitably some mealy-mouthed assistant directors thumbs are all over his iPhone
然後某個油嘴滑舌的副導演已經不可避免地在他的手機上打字
And I know he's probably tweeting LOL, This girl is crap
我知道他肯定在發推特說真好笑這女孩太爛了
Shes a fake, shes a phony
她是個假冒者
She could never win a Tony
她永遠不可能得到一個托尼獎
I now live in a place I know quite well
我現在總算來到了一個我熟悉的地方
Ive left the world, and Ive entered hell
我離開了這世界進入了煉獄
Im this far away from a fainting spell
我離暈倒就差這麼一點點
But just before I die
但在我死掉之前
I finish a song which I oversell
我唱完一首演得太過了的歌
Somebody says thanks and wishes me well
有人說著謝謝祝我一切都好
The next thing I know Im at Taco Bell
但一轉眼我就在塔可貝爾快餐店
Stuffing my face with meat
使勁吃著肉
Im trying to take it slowly
我在試著慢慢來
Im trying to be my best
我在試著做到最好
Im trying to be more holy
我在試著變得更聖潔平和
Less bitter and depressed
變得不再憤世嫉俗
Im reading Eckhart Tolle
我在讀Eckhardt Tolle（德裔心靈導師）的書
He makes a lot of sense
他說的話可有意義
I bought a Buddhist bowl
我還買了個佛教頌缽
He says he it helps you be less tense
他說這能幫我放鬆下來
It doesnt do a thing for me
這破東西幫不上一點忙
I sit there on the floor
我無助地坐在地上
I watch a vivid sequence of humiliating instances from my past go by
我的眼前放起了走馬燈全是我可恥的失敗
And think what kind of masochist keeps coming back for more
我想什麼受虐狂會一次次地重複這種折磨
When she knows whats gonna happen
即便她知道會發生什麼
Cuz it never doesnt happen
因為沒有一次不這樣
Cuz it always, always
因為每一次每一次
Sandy? Sandy!
珊迪？珊迪！
Michael?
邁克爾？
No! I know whats gonna happen
不！我知道會發生什麼
Dont tell me that I dont
別告訴我我不知道
And dontsay that Ill rise to the occasion cuz I wont
別安慰我船到橋頭自然直因為我不會
And dont say Ive got talent
別說我有才華
And dont say Ive got heart
別說我有勇氣
And dont say that Im clever cuz I know Im pretty smart
別說我聰明因為我知道我腦袋還靈光
Im smart enough to know that Im too stupid to admit
我聰明到能意識到我因為愚蠢而不願承認
You cant survive a diet that consists of eating shit
我不能撐過這種如同吃泔水般的節食
The trick is knowing when its time to pack your bags and say 'thats it!'
秘訣在於意識到什麼時候該撂挑子了
You know whats gonna happen
你知道會發生什麼
I know whats gonna happen
我也知道會發生什麼
Heres whats gonna happen
接下來會發生這事：
I quit!
我不干了！
I quit!
我不干了！
I quit!
我不干了！