Saturday Night Obsession

ALI: It’s a Saturday night
And on a Saturday night
People are supposed to go out
(so go out)
But no, not me
Yet I seem to be free
(she’s quite free)
I think I’ll just see what you’re doing.
(call his iphone)
“hey, you’ve reached Dave. If you get this message, it means I’m busy - cause it’s Saturday! Leave a message.”
Hey. It’s me. Just thought I’d call and say hi.
Hi.
Well, anyway, I’ve been thinking about you,
And I was thinking we should grab coffee and catch up.
VOICEMAIL: To send your message say 1. To delete, say 2.
ALI: Detele! 2.
VOICEMAIL: Message sent. goodbye.
ALI: I said delete!
It’s a Saturday night,
And on a Saturday night,
People are supposed to have fun.
(so have fun)
But I’m totally fine,
Just sipping a wine.
Perhaps I should write you an email.
(Use dictation)
ALI: Siri, send an email.
SIRI: hello, Ali, I can help you with that.
To whom would you like to send this message?
ALI: Dave.
SIRI: oh— kay. What do you want to say?
ALI: Hi. I’m dropping you a line cause I’m doing just fine.
That rhymes! Smiley face.
Anyway. I’d love to get together and talk about —
SIRI: I’m sorry, I can’t let you do that, Ali. My, er, servers are down,
Please try again later.
ALI: I hate you, Siri.
SIRI: That’s not nice, Ali.
ALI: It’s a Saturday night,
And on a Saturday night,
People are supposed to let loose!
(so let loose)
But once again I’m watching Oxygen
Maybe I’ll find you on Facebook.
(here we go again)
Communication is a sign of maturity,
Staying in touch is always the key.
Communication can face my security,
But please, oh please, oh please,
Don’t be out with some slut
Out with some slut
On a Saturday night!
And on a Saturday night,
People are supposed to get close!
(so get close)
I could read, or eat,
Maybe i’ll send you a text.
(desperation)
Hey you. Please call me.
Sent.
I know he sees this.
I know you see this.
You self-absorbed shallow jerk.
may I remind you that I’m a strong, beautiful, lavender-scented woman,
Who would have a graduate degree if she hadn’t moved across the country to
Follow this man-boy,
Who dumped her and now won’t even text her back.
Thanks for nothing!
Mother****er!
Sent!
Oh fudge!
SIRI: There are three fudge shops near your current location.
ALI: It’s a Saturday night,
And on a Saturday night,
People are supposed to be sane.
(so be sane)
But all this love, and hate and frustration,
wait, I need some space,
That are run by your place
(no!)
And meet until you turn on the light,
Then I’ll check just to see you arise,
And if you ask me to stay I will smile,
Then we could blame it on a Saturday night