Tribulation

Weve got tribulation, my good sir
Weve got tribulation in Schmigadoon
Look down there
Do you see what I see?
Peanut shells in the street!
Lying there like passed-out drunks in the gutter
Turning Town Square into the floor of a saloon
The home of loose women and hooch-happy sinners
A petting pantry in the middle of the street!
Is that what our towns become ?
Is that the future we want for our children?
Im telling ya! Things have changed ever since those two outsiders waltzed in
With their big-city ways and thеir newfangled ideas
Promiscuity and dеpravity
Interlopers interloping with hearts
Colder than the hinges of hell!
First the two of them arrived, unmarried
Brimming with lust, wanting to share a bed
Then a brazen display at the basket auction
Now the mayors out, proclaiming his perversions
At the root of it all are two strangers
Whove never cracked a Bible in their life
And thats gonna lead to tribulation and strife

Now Ive got nothing against outsiders
Provided theyre the right kind of people
The kind of folks who look and talk and act like us
Peas in a pod and birds of a feather
Not loud -mouthed trash with their tommyrot and flapdoodle
Claptrap and fiddle-faddle and jiggery-pokery
Stirring up the cream while youre waiting for it to settle
Like vermin in the root cellar, flies in the buttermilk
And theyre influencing!
There, I said it, theyre influencing your children
Like an earwig crawling from the ears to the brains
And soon your younguns will be neglecting chores
Milk going sour, unstrained in the springhouse
Back-talk at dinner, no time for the good book
Ragtime blaring on the Victrola

And thats just the beginning, folks
Soon you wont even, no you wont know, you wont even
Recognize your own town
Im talking about neon signs, smoke-filled rooms
Billiard parlors and painted ladies
Wanton women having children out of wedlock
Rowdy men using filthy language
The devil himself, dancing on your front porch
Stealing your babies from their cribs at midnight
Cows and sheep having amorous congress
Children with the mark of the beast on their foreheads!
All thanks to these two out-of-towners
Doctor Skinner and Miss Gimble
Better hold on to your husband
Best keep an eye on your wife
Cause theres gonna be some tribulation and strife

Oh, weve got strife! (Got strife!)
And tribulation! (Tribulation!)
And not to mention miscegenation (That sounds bad!)
Lets pray the Lord (Pray the lord !) will save us soon (Save us soon!)
(Cause weve got strife and tribulation in Schmigadoon!)
Strife, strife, strife (Strife! Strife! Strife)
I cant hear yall! (Strife! Strife! Strife)

I love this town
Yall know my great-great- granddaddy founded Schmigadoon when he came upon this beautiful tract of land and said, 'Theyll never find us here.'
It pains me - oh, it pains me to see our town slipping away
Right before our very eyes
I tried to alert the mayor but his mind was elsewhere
In his pants!
His poor wife was so ashamed she locked herself inside her house
And this time on purpose
Im sorry, Florence!
New leadership. Thats what Schmigadoon needs
But who? Who has the moral wherewithal, the traditional how-to
The good, old-fashioned, all-American je ne sais quoi
To stand up to these two outsiders?

Mildred Layton for mayor!

I couldnt

Mildred Layton for mayor!

But I wouldnt

Mildred Layton for mayor! Mildred Layton for mayor!

Okay, Ill do it

Its time to vote (To vote)
And vote for Layton ( Vote for Layton!)
She is the only one wholl save our town from Satan (Save us now!)
Lets hope that she (hope that she) will save us soon (save us soon)
Cause weve got strife and tribulation
Strife and tribulation
Grief and consternation (Grief and consternation)
Strife and tribulation (in Schmigadoon!)