I'm Doing My Best

What do you think when you see me?
Don't judge me, I'm doing my best
Why couldn't my life be easy?
Thats because mine is a test
And maybe I'm broken completely
I'm always so ****ing depressed
I'm meaningless, nobody needs me
I'm everyone's deepest regret
Yeah, this mind that I have is a sad one
This heart that I have is a black one
I contemplate using this handgun
I reminisce times that I had once
With the girl of my dreams that I had oncе
I used to have friends, now I havе none
I gotta just face it, I can't run
I'm cursed to be someone you can't love
More medication, I need it right now
All these prescriptions keep bringing me down
Crying for help but they don't hear a sound
Head underwater, tonight I might drown
I come from torture and horror, my life isn't normal
It kills me, I hate to reflect
I don't trust anyone, I said **** everyone
I can't think straight but I'm trying my best
Keep all my nightmares and secrets
I try but I can't let them go
They see my emotions as weakness
But they only see what I show
Some people call me a genius
Others would say I'm a joke
I can't escape from my demons
I'm stuck in this world without hope
Yeah, watch as my spirit disintegrates
Watch as my body obliterates
Trauma, it caused all this inner hate
Memories I can't eliminate
I'm going down the decisions made
This isn't sudden, I've been afraid
Crazy and hollow, I'm still the same
I can't break out of my sinful ways
Telling y'all sorrowful stories
And not for attention and not for the glory
It's just how I feel, I'm just doing this for me
That's why I don't sleep until 4 in the morning
And when Im on the mic, it's a suicide warning
I'm wearing a halo, already I'm soaring
But I ain't no angel, I'm evil, unholy
I'm merely a ghost in this city, I'm lonely
Yeah, looks are deceitful, search under the surface
Reality's fake, a ridiculous circus
Where finding your purpose means finding a purpose
And being yourself means you hide behind curtains
Just struggles and burdens, the pain only worsens
The future's uncertain, the past always lurking
The present converges but time's a diversion
From whatever's next, it doesn't concern us
True pain isn't something that just goes away
It stays inside you forever
And all you can do is pray for a better tomorrow
It may not come, but that's reality
It's just the world we live in
What do you think when you see me?
Don't judge me, I'm doing my best
Why couldn't my life be easy?
Thats because mine is a test
And maybe I'm broken completely
I'm always so ****ing depressed
I'm meaningless, nobody needs me
I'm everyone's deepest regret
Yeah, this mind that I have is a sad one
This heart that I have is a black one
I contemplate using this handgun
I reminisce times that I had once
With the girl of my dreams that I had once
I used to have friends, now I have none
I gotta just face it, I can't run
I'm cursed to be someone you can't love
DempseyRollBoy
In a world of my own